Losing my boy

That was my wake up call. Even after he was taken, I was still drinking. I drank more. I drank more when my son was taken than I did having him in my care. My nan and my son was my wake up call, nah; you know, the drinking can't carry on, the stealing can't carry on. I'm standing for alcohol and I'm ending up in jail for trying to get a box. And my son’s two years old with no parents, both of his parents behind bars. Nah. I don’t want that. My dad spent practically the whole of my life in jail, I never had no father figure; and that’s the reason why we kind of were the way we were... was, because my mum was trying to be a mum and a dad to us and she just couldn’t cop it, she couldn’t do it.

I don’t know what happened; just one day I woke up and nah, that’s it. I don’t wanna drink anymore. I think this was after I went to hospital, I ended up in hospital for alcohol poisoning. And it gave me a shock because the day that I ended up in hospital was the day I was supposed to have my son, and that was the biggest wake up call I had.

I think once I got home, maybe three or four days later, everyone was just shocked. And what really scared me was my nan and my mum.

You know, my nan’s like my heart, her and my son. And when things come from my nana, you know [clap] its meant... you know, what she says she's meaning it, she doesn’t say things for nothing. And that was a big wake up call. My nana cried to me, because she thought I was really gonna pass away. And for me to hear that from my nan, it was like, “I don’t wanna see my son growing up. I don’t wanna know, or have that feeling that my son’s growing up without a mum you know, asking all these questions. “Why did my mum do it? Why did my mum drink? Why did my mum do this? Why wouldn’t she give up for me? Why couldn’t she do this for me?” My son shouldn’t be left answer-less, he deserves those answers; he deserves a parent.